


people always leave

by screaminghalfpastmidnight



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Daddy Issues, felicity was not okay after her father showed up just so we're clear, marriage talk, season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:13:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22043128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/screaminghalfpastmidnight/pseuds/screaminghalfpastmidnight
Summary: "Because if you're gonna leave me, I'd rather you just do it!"He thinks he might throw up. He's pretty sure that with that one sentence, she's just ripped his heart out and stabbed it, set it on fire, blown it up. He doesn't even know what to say. She thought he was going to leave her. Pain ripples through his body, his mind in shambles. He wants to sweep her into his arms, reassure her with everything he has that she's his forever, that there's nothing in this world he wants more than to love her for the rest of his life. He doesn't even know if that would be enough, or if that's what she needs. It's what he needs, but he has to think about her now, so he starts with words.ORoliver and felicity talk about the william situation like adults and oliver realizes that felicity still has lasting issues stemming from her father that she may have for the rest of her life
Relationships: John Diggle & Oliver Queen, Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak
Comments: 14
Kudos: 120





	people always leave

_ Five days _ . It had been five days since he'd made the video for William. Five days since Samantha had taken him away, never to be found. Five days since his entire heart had gotten in a car and was headed away from him. To be safe, from  _ him. _ It had also been five days since Felicity walked into the loft -  _ walked -  _ and twisted her ring around her finger, not knowing what to say. He'd spoken first, said that they should talk. She told him she really didn't want to. He said he'd give her some time. They had a fight about who should sleep on the couch. In the end, he'd won out. Argued that he wouldn't be getting much sleep anyway so it would just be easier if he was already downstairs. That was  _ five  _ days ago.

The couch was uncomfortable, but he knew that wasn't the reason for his apparent insomnia. He couldn't sleep without her anymore. It'd always been easier for him to sleep with her in the room, whether it was on the ratty old couch in the foundry back in the early days or when he'd fall asleep at his desk at Queen Consolidated back when he was CEO, or whether they had stayed up late watching tv or they genuinely just went to bed like normal people. It was so routine for him to sleep with her by his side, so  _ safe _ . Now, even though they were technically in the same place, there was an emotional barrier between them.

They'd both been walking on eggshells, not saying much other than him telling her he put dinner in the fridge and her informing him about the latest Big Bad. They hadn't hugged, let alone  _ kissed  _ since William had been taken and their usual shoulder touches and soft smiles had disappeared. Everyone on the team noticed. Everyone in their  _ lives _ noticed. Donna had even called him a few times to see how he was doing. She never once mentioned Felicity or their status, but he assumed Felicity had told her. Either way, he appreciated the call. Donna and Felicity were a lot alike, whether they cared to admit it or not, so it sort of felt like he was talking to a piece of his fiancée - if he could even call her that anymore. 

He'd asked her to talk multiple times and her answer was always the same.  _ I don't want to. _ It was driving him up the wall. All he wanted was to climb into his own bed, with his own fiancée and await their wedding night,  _ together. _ But here he was, unlocking the door to their loft with Felicity behind him, an annoyed sigh escaping her lips. He's been snippy with her all night. He knows he has been but he's so fucking sick and tired of not  _ knowing _ . He just wants to know what's going on in her head, wants to know how long she's going to need to forgive him, what he has to do to make that happen. 

He practically throws his keys on the counter and turns around to face her before she can run upstairs and hide from him. "Okay, I have given you almost a week of time to think. Can we  _ please _ talk about this?"

His tone is just as annoyed as her previous sigh and she crosses her arms, making him wince. She’s still closed off. "I don't want to."

He resists the urge to groan in frustration, knowing that won't get him anywhere with her. "Yes, I know. That's what you've said every time I've asked, but we can't keep living like this in our home, Felicity." 

Her voice rises, growing more agitated by the second. "What do you want me to say, Oliver?" 

Before he can stop himself, he responds sarcastically, his built up anger getting to him. "Um, I don't know. How about what's going on in your head?"

She snaps. "How about what's going on in your head? Because if you're gonna leave me, I'd rather you just  _ do it! _ " 

He thinks he might throw up. He's pretty sure that with that one sentence, she's just ripped his heart out and stabbed it, set it on fire, blown it up. He doesn't even know what to say. She thought  _ he was going to leave her _ . Pain ripples through his body, his mind in shambles. He wants to sweep her into his arms, reassure her with everything he has that she's his forever, that there's nothing in this world he wants more than to love her for the rest of his life. He doesn't even know if that would be enough, or if that's what she needs. It's what he needs, but he has to think about her now, so he starts with words.

He stutters for a bit, not sure how to phrase it. "How could… Why? What makes you think that?" 

The look on her face is another stab to the heart. He's never  _ ever _ seen her this broken. Not the multiple times her life has been threatened, not when she thought he was dead, not the tens of times they've said goodbye. This is different. An amplified version of the look she gave him when she told him about Malcolm being Thea's birth father. How she thought he would leave her after she told him what she’d found out. He hoped he'd never see that look again. "Pretty much everything that's happened since I got shot. Me being paralyzed, you lying about William, you sending William away, my dad coming back…"

He reaches his hands out, going to pull her into his arms but decides against it, rubbing them over his face instead. "Felicity, I proposed to you. I want to  _ marry _ you. I'd never leave."

"Well, technically I forced you to propose." Now he's just confused. "You weren't going to propose until I told you I found the ring and then convinced you to do it when Darhk captured us."

He can't help himself now. He steps closer, his pet name for her slipping off his tongue. "Honey, that's not true. At all."

"Even if it's not, you proposed to me before all of this happened. You have a kid now! A kid who  _ has _ a mother and I have an absentee father coming back to prove to me again how much of an asshole he is."

Maybe  _ he's  _ the asshole. He should've known this had more to do with her childhood trauma coming back to bite her than it did with his stupid lies. He starts to interject, to try and tell her that he's not her father and he loves her more than words and he would never abandon her but she raises a hand, cutting him off. "You wanted to know what's going on, now you do. I'm exhausted so I'm going to go to bed."

She's up the stairs before he can stop her, taking his bruised heart with her.

He stares at the ceiling for hours before he decides that he has to get out. Every time he thinks about the fact that they're in the same place, yet so far away he has to hold back tears. He goes to the bunker, originally with the intention of punching things, but by the time he gets there, he just collapses onto a chair, head in his hands. It's not long before Dig shows up, baby Sara in his arms. He falls into the chair in front of him, telling him that when kids can't sleep, sometimes a change of scenery helps.

"Felicity and I had a fight."

"You two finally air it out?" Dig asks, as if he already knows the answer.

"Kind of wish we didn't." 

Dig chuckles lightly, hoping to calm his friend. "Yeah, you've got your blame face on."

There's silence for a minute, Oliver taking the time to compose himself, but his words come out shaky anyway. " Felicity thought that I didn't tell her about William because I was going to leave her."

"Fuck." John Diggle rarely swore, especially around his kid, so the F-bomb coming out his mouth leaves a bad taste in Oliver's. This is really bad. 

"The thing I can't get out of my head is that for this entire week, she's been sitting in our  _ home, _ waiting for me to drop the ball and end us. She's been sitting with that this entire time and I should've known better." His hands run over his face again and he's sure he’s getting wrinkles from the distress.

He was an idiot. A selfish fucking idiot. He knew that keeping William a secret from her would hurt, but he figured they'd get through it and she'd understand that he was given an impossible decision. She's the most understanding person he knows. Fact is, she probably does understand. If this was any other fucking week, they'd be in bed right now, sleeping,  _ dreaming _ about their wedding day. But no, he was a selfish prick and didn't think about the issues he  _ knows _ she has. He didn't think about her current fragile state, about how all those 'business trips' to Central City were unbelievably similar to the trips her dad used to take before he literally  _ abandoned her. _ Like decided not to give a fuck about her and left her with emotional trauma. 

"So, we  _ are _ playing the blame game."

Oliver blinks back tears, using his hands for emphasis as his voice comes out broken. Guilty. "We get married in a  _ week _ , Diggle. I'm supposed to be her  _ husband _ . I'm supposed to know this shit, I should know when she's not okay and I didn't. And now, not only is she suffering but I don't know if  _ we  _ are going to make it through this."

The thought made his hands shake. Ever since he'd asked Thea to bring him the engagement ring out of his family's vault when she came to visit them, he'd referred to himself as her husband in his head. The thought that he might have to start referring to himself as her  _ ex?  _ He might go back to the original punching plan. 

"Oliver, the good thing about this is that we know this isn't on you." Diggle's eyes are sincere, as he places a hand on his shoulder. "You just have to convince her that her father is the only person who's known her that doesn't love her. That not everyone in her life is going to be him."

Only Oliver had no idea if that would be enough. Or if he could keep it together long enough to find out. 

It's 2am when he swings the front door open, startled by Felicity sitting on the sofa, her favourite blanket wrapped around her shoulders. She's not doing anything, but she smiles at him when he enters, patting the spot beside her. His heart stops in his chest. It's two in the morning, he's not ready for the breakup talk. He sits down anyway, careful to keep his distance, but she subtly scoots closer, giving him a small sense of relief.

"I'm sorry." She says, astonishing him. "I should've told you that the thing with my dad was really bad. I just… I didn't know how."

"No, Felicity. I should've known. I mean… when you said it, it all made complete sense. You shouldn't have had to tell me." He turns to look at her, hoping his eyes will tell her everything he's feeling. "But you have to know, that no matter what's happened, there wasn't a minute that went by where I wanted to leave you, or didn't love you just as much as I did when I proposed."

"But that's not enough!" A tear slides down her cheek, slicing him in two. "You left me once before we even started. You loved William and then you left him. My father apparently loved me and then left me… maybe you’re subconsciously thinking about it."

He cuts her off at that, moving from his spot beside her to kneel in front of her, grabbing both of her hands in his. "Not a chance in hell."

Her hands grip his tightly, as if she's afraid he'll disappear which only makes him inch closer, head tilting up to be right in front of hers. He speaks again, making sure she really  _ hears _ him when he says, "You're it for me, baby. There is nothing in any universe that could take me away from you, not like that. I  _ love _ you. I want to  _ marry _ you. I would marry you right now if I could."

She leans her forehead against his and he finally lets a tear slip out, as she whispers, "You still want to marry me?" 

"Of course I do, honey. What is it with you thinking my proposal isn't genuine? First at the hospital and now this?" His question is a joke but she answers it anyway. 

"I just never thought I'd get married. I always figured my daddy issues would prevent me from actually committing to someone. I guess right now, I'm letting them. I don't want to." She wipes the tears off his face with her thumb and then cups his cheek, stroking his stubble softly. He can't help himself from letting his eyes flutter closed and nuzzling into her head, a small whine escaping his lips. 

His lips are on hers seconds later. It's slow and exhausted and not nearly enough to make up for the past few days but it's 2am and they're both physically and emotionally done in. She pulls away, other hand moving to his face as she kisses his nose. "I love you too, by the way."

In five minutes flat, they're both passed out, limbs tangled, breaths heavy, lying in their own bed, together. 

They decide to cancel the wedding, showing up to the bunker the day it was supposed to be sporting matching silver rings that no one saw them exchange (they got an earful from Thea about that) and a knowing smile gracing their features.

And if years later, her asshole of a father decides to show up again (which of course, he does) all she has to do is look at the band on her fourth finger and her husband's face, and all of the problems he'd instilled in her fade away, leaving a lifetime's worth of love, all coming from one man, who'd been given every chance to walk away from her, but stayed. 


End file.
